Happy New Year Mamas! It’s once again that time of the year to decide if you want to make resolutions to improve yourself or just accept where you are on your journey and keep moving forward. Either way works. You know yourself and your journey best. Personally, the new year is just one of many times during the year that I will resolve to improve myself as an individual, a mother, and a rheumatoid arthritis (RA) patient.
Around the time my daughter was 12 years old, I had the alarming realization that I wasn’t the world-class mother I thought I was. I shared with her that I have never been a mother to an almost teenage daughter and asked her to “please be patient with me. I am still learning.” Well ladies, mothering, like being a patient with a chronic condition, is not something you learn overnight. It is a skill you continue to craft, knowing that despite carefully thinking through your decisions, you will make mistakes.
My children are now grown and I have lived with the craziness of RA for many years. One thing I have learned is both my children and my RA are continuously changing. Therefore, I feel like I am always reflecting on how I can be a better me. I often resolve to prepare healthier meals for my family, workout more, spend less time on my cell phone, and be a more understanding mother. These of course are all great goals, but my many years as a mother and a patient have led me to believe that there are only three things in life that really make a difference in both how I lead my life as a mother and a person living with an unpredictable illness.
- Spend time with family: For years I worried that my RA would interfere with the type of parent I wanted to be. It didn’t. At the end of the day, when I give uninterrupted time to my family, the pain almost melts away for a short time. I am able to forget all else in the world and just be. I laugh. I get caught up in my daughter’s gift to truly live in the moment and my son’s ever growing need to research new things and share what he has learned. I create lasting memories with and for my children.
- Gratitude: The ability to find what is right outside of my RA can be difficult, but the more I practice, the better I get at it. This is a skill that not only allows me to see the beauty around me, despite the pain I may be experiencing, but it also allows me to share this gift with my children. I love pointing out a gorgeous sunset or sharing one of my favorite parts of the day as we talk at the end of the night rather than nit-picking them about not putting dishes away.
- Efficiency so I can be lazy: In my opinion, we live in a world that is always on the go. This doesn’t benefit our children or our chronic illness. I am always looking for ways to be more efficient (doubling recipes and freezing half, cleaning the kitchen as I go, running all my errands at once) that allow me to take time to rest. Allowing time for self-care as a mother, especially if you’re feeling guilty for having a chronic illness, can be challenging and even feel indulgent or lazy. But if we can’t role model caring for ourselves, who will show it to our children?
The amazing thing about these three resolutions is that by making them a priority throughout the year, my family and my health benefit. Spending time with my family generally means we eat better. My son and I love cooking together. Time with my kids allows me to better understand where they are in life and often controls my annoying habit of sending unnecessary text messaging to my daughter. Gratitude practice turns my negative thoughts and worries about my kids and my RA to thoughts of how wonderfully lucky we are. Efficiency allows me time to care for myself and have time with my family. These three intentions branch out to help me achieve other goals in life.
If you choose to make a resolution in January, make it one that truly benefits you, your family, and your health condition. Know that it is a process and mistakes will be made. Remember that anything worth achieving takes time. Most importantly, remember that some of the most important goals we make for ourselves are never truly met. They are ones that we must keep adapting and learning from as life changes.
