Perhaps one of the most challenging aspects of motherhood with chronic illness is helping your children understand what is going on with your body and encouraging acceptance about how your illness may impact them. How can you help them develop empathy about what you’re experiencing, especially if your illness is invisible? Where’s the line between being honest and making them worry? What’s the best way to address their concerns in kid-friendly language? This is a topic that will likely need to be an ongoing discussion in your family – and sometimes reading a book together can help!
When Pete’s Dad Got Sick
by Kathleen Long Bladholm, with parental help section from R. Scott Stehouwer, Ph.D.
Kelly Peters received a copy of this book as a gift from Mamas Facing Forward. She was not compensated for this review and all opinions are her own.
When Pete’s Dad Got Sick is a book that could be helpful for kids (ages 4-8) to process a parent’s chronic illness. It is the story of a young boy, Pete, whose dad used to run and play and lift him up. They used to race, and it was important to them both to be very active in their time together. Pete’s dad has a chronic illness (it isn’t made clear what it is, as it isn’t the focus
of the story), which has him using a cane, and riding in a wheelchair, so Pete is upset that his father can no longer do the things he used to do.
Pete is embarrassed when a friend sees his dad at home during the day and asks who the old man with the cane is. This upsets Pete, and he breaks down in front of his dad, crying and saying how much he misses when his dad would race him and pick him up. His father explains that he used to think that being fast was the most important thing, too, when he raced on track teams – but he has realized it is more important to have his best buddy (his son) with him. He shows Pete some awards that he won when he was younger, and Pete is impressed. The next day, Pete’s dad sets up an obstacle course for Pete to run and they celebrate that Pete’s dad is still able to participate in racing, albeit in a different way.
The story was written by a woman who is an ordained Presbyterian minister who served for 30 years, so it does have a religious (Christian) angle to it. For example, Pete prays for his dad to go back to how he used to be. There is also a part where Pete’s dad says that “God only wants what is best for us, and gives us everything we need”, and that Jesus Christ gives him strength to do what he needs to do. Personally, this didn’t take much away from the story, but as someone who isn’t linked to this religion, I don’t know that this part would connect with the kids in my family.
The illustrations are engaging and colorful, and I feel like even kids younger than 4 would be able to connect with this story. There are insets on the text pages that are relevant to the story and some drawings that are supposed to be what Pete has drawn.
There are two helpful guides at the end. The first, “When a Parent is Chronically Ill”, deals with further questions, and acts similarly to a book club readers’ guide with follow up information and tips for working with your child when a family member is ill. I found it helpful, particularly
when they said to notice that Pete’s dad didn’t sugar coat reality, or try to say that it would all be ok. The other, “A Word to Parents and Other Caregivers,” was more religious, but also detailed how repetition can help our kids learn concepts like life skills and provided tips on how to answer you child’s follow up questions. This section also talks about taking it easy on yourself for not having all of the answers, as we are all working through this together, which I found reassuring.
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