This article is based on a presentation given September 14, 2021 at “Rheum4You: Reproductive Health & Rheumatic Disease,” a webinar presented by Simple Tasks, the public awareness campaign of the American College of Rheumatology.
I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) at the age of 25, and by far the biggest challenge I have faced since my diagnosis has been in becoming a mom.
Today I have three children – ages 9, 7, and 3 – and all three of my pregnancies took place after being diagnosed with RA. Because there wasn’t as much data available ten years ago, my first pregnancy was completely unmedicated, the postpartum flare made infant care extremely difficult, and I was advised to stop breastfeeding to restart medication.
Fast forward to my third pregnancy: I was able to stay on a pregnancy-safe biologic the entire time, I had almost no postpartum flare, and I was able to make my own choices about breastfeeding.
I’ve had a variety of experiences when it comes to pregnancy, breastfeeding, and newborn care – so I want to share three of my best strategies for parenting while living with a chronic illness.
Strategy #1: Fill Your Own Cup First
My first strategy is coffee!! Kidding, kidding (but sort of not!)
What I really want to talk about is the importance of taking care of your own health, both physically and mentally. Finding time for this ought to be a priority for any parent, but it’s particularly important for parents living with chronic illness. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else.
Most of us have heard the oxygen mask metaphor – put on your own mask before you help someone else. It’s not my favorite metaphor because it is technically possible to help someone else with their mask first, even if that’s not the best choice for your own health. And I think sometimes we do that as parents. There have definitely been times where I have put my kids’ needs above my own, but the result is generally negative for all of us.
So, my favorite metaphor for remembering how important it is to take care of myself is this: you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s not physically possible. If your cup is empty, you have to take the time and effort to fill it up before you can possibly share with anyone else. And you shouldn’t feel any guilt over setting aside time to do this – taking care of yourself is taking care of your family! In fact, I think it’s actually really important to model self-care for our kids.
