Parenting is hard, and single parenting can be even more of a challenge. But when you add in a chronic illness with multiple symptoms, side effects from treatments, and the reality of living with a disability, life just gets even more hectic and overwhelming.
We need to remember this is our now, how do we want to keep moving forward? There are many resources out there and in you – you just have to find what works best for you and your little one(s). You’re not making it up. The pain, fatigue, symptoms, and side effects are very real and you are not a lesser parent because of your limitations. The grieving process when diagnosed with a chronic illness is a real thing and is important to go through. Be patient with your body and your emotions. Once you accept your new normal, you become an expert at understanding your boundaries and limits.
1. Communication
Being open and honest about what you are going through to loved ones, including your child, is important. You can’t struggle in silence and expect a good outcome. Cultivate both empathy and gratitude through age appropriate honesty.
2. Self-Care is Critical
You can’t take care of a little one if you don’t take care of yourself. Continue to love, nourish, and strengthen yourself and don’t give up. Walk away from stressful situations that can cause flare ups.
3. You are an Example
Exercise together, pick out healthy groceries together, and make sure to exercise self-compassion – it’s a good example for your kids.
4. Community Resources
Engage your village; don’t be afraid to ask for and accept help wherever you find or need it. I found it incredibly relieving to inform my son’s school that I live with chronic illness. They’ve forgiven my horrible memory, understood why something might be late, and helped me put my son in extra school activities. If you need to go on disability, listen to your body. If you need a handicap parking permit, it’s great for saving your energy and reducing pain.
5. Support Network
You need a support system that can actually support you. Friends and family aren’t always there for you when you become a parent or chronically ill, it just happens. My support network isn’t what I imagined it would be, but you need to let go of expectations from people and find those who do understand support.
6. Volunteer
I have found volunteering with local non-profit organizations to be beneficial in making new friends who understand what I am going through. It’s also a way for my young son to see Mommy isn’t alone in her battle with chronic illness.
7. Rest When You Can
Communicating with a toddler that you need to rest can be a challenge and it takes patience; eventually my son understood that I needed rest and quiet. I also eventually learned to rest without feeling like I was being a bad parent for needing it. When my son was very young, I would have to rest when he rested, or have him sit on or near me playing the tablet or watching tv so I could be woken if he were to move. I struggled with the guilt of giving my child too much screen time, but you can’t run on empty either.
8. Plan Ahead or Take Out
If you can’t make a beautiful dinner every day, who cares. Your child still gets fed and that is what matters. Maybe you will find it easier to prepare dinner in the morning instead of the evening. Maybe you need to know your delivery driver by name. Instant pot might be one of the greatest purchases you’ve ever made. Figure out the easiest ways to accomplish the minimum viable, prep ahead meals, and batch cook so you don’t need to expend a lot of energy every day.
9. Age Appropriate Chores Teach Independence
Think about where you store things they might need regularly, so they can get it themselves while teaching them a little independence.
10. Park the Guilt Train – You Are Not A Burden and You Matter
Practice self-compassion and be kind to yourself. You are enough and you are doing a wonderful job, even if it feels like you are not.
