When I first started thinking about getting pregnant after being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, I desperately wanted to hear from other women who had succeeded in this goal. At the time, there wasn’t much social media, but I did find a great book called Arthritis, Pregnancy and the Path to Parenthood. It contained quotes and advice from real women, and I found it invaluable.
But I also found a problem: the book started off talking about the possibility of having to change some of your medications before getting pregnant and then jumped straight to talking about being pregnant. But wait! If I stop my medications, won’t I flare? And if I’m in pain, how do I ever get pregnant in the first place? Is there a chapter missing from this book on trying to conceive while living with arthritis??
That’s the question I asked Iris Zink, a rheumatology Nurse Practitioner who recently wrote a book about intimacy and chronic illness with Jenny Thorn Palter. (The book is called “Sex – Interrupted” and you can read my review of it here!) Their book recommends a lot of alternatives to intercourse – which I think is generally great advice for for maintaining intimacy in a relationship while dealing with a chronic illness! But what if you want to start a family? If you’re trying to get pregnant, you kind of have to have sex!
Iris and I decided to have a discussion about a topic we haven’t seen anyone else talking about: the challenges many women face in actually trying to conceive while living with a chronic illness. I share my personal experiences, and Iris shares her expert advice in the video below!
Show Notes: “If you’re trying to get pregnant, you kind of have to have sex”
00:02 – Mariah introduces herself; Iris introduces herself and her book “Sex – Interrupted”
01:09 – Alternatives to intercourse are useful, unless you’re trying to get pregnant
01:45 – Mariah found resources about planning pregnancy and being pregnant, but not about actually trying to conceive while dealing with the challenges of chronic illness
03:30 – What it’s like to talk to your rheumatologist about planning a pregnancy
04:40 – MotherToBaby as a resource for up-to-date data on medication safety during pregnancy and breastfeeding
05:30 – The problem with stopping medications while trying to get pregnant and the pressure from society that no medications is always “best” for the baby
07:50 – What rheumatology healthcare professionals have learned from pregnant Crohn’s patients
08:15 – The negative impact of non-steroidal anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs) on fertility, and talking to your doctor about fertility-safe treatment
09:25 – What if you end up pregnant while taking unsafe medications?
10:10 – Managing pain and stiffness while trying to conceive
11:11 – Using fertility-friendly lubrication
11:50 – The importance of humor in the bedroom
13:30 – Relaxation and stress reduction increases your chances of getting pregnant
15:00 – How chronic illness impacts the relationship dynamic, and approaching chronic illness as a shared problem
19:35 – Therapy can be useful in maintaining intimacy
20:45 – Communication and using the five love languages as a tool
23:50 – If your goal is to get pregnant, sex doesn’t always have to include fireworks – though it helps!
25:00 – The challenges of being a first-time mom with a chronic illness
28:20 – Living with a chronic illness shouldn’t mean giving up your life goals
29:20 – What’s best for the baby is to have a healthy, functional mom
31:00 – Staying on medication while trying to conceive and while pregnant
33:30 – The Covid-19 vaccine and pregnancy
33:50 – Bringing up your sexual health with your doctor or nurse
37: 25 – What if your rheumatologist and OBGYN give you different information?
40:30 – If you’re struggling to get pregnant while living with a chronic illness, you are not alone and you deserve help
Iris Zink (BSN, MSN, ANP, RN-BCH) has been a rheumatology Nurse Practitioner since 2000. As a seasoned nurse, Iris has created a path serving the underserved alongside her husband Christopher Title. Iris and Chris opened Michigan’s first nurse practitioner-run early arthritis clinic serving Medicaid patients in 2016. She has lectured nationally on a variety of subjects, but she is most passionate about helping individuals maintain intimacy despite illness or disability.
