It may seem uncomfortable or embarrassing to contemplate, but if you’re struggling with your sexual health – and your doctor hasn’t proactively asked you about it – it’s a good idea to try to initiate the conversation yourself.
Here are some things to keep in mind as you consider how to approach your doctor on this topic:
You have a right to your sexual health
Did you know that the World Health Organization (WHO) considers sexual health to be a human right? The WHO defines sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality.” The definition continues that sexual health includes “the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences.” In other words, sexual health is important for everyone – no matter what other health issues you may be facing.
Medications and libido
If you’re struggling with your libido – aka not feeling interested in sex – your doctor might actually be able to help. Sometimes the medications used to treat chronic illness can impact your libido. Or maybe they have side effects that impact your self-esteem – like hair loss or weight gain – which can make it difficult to feel sexy. Many of us living with chronic illnesses also take medications for depression or anxiety, and these medications may impact your libido as well.
If you let your doctor know you are struggling with your libido, your doctor can check to see if any of your medications could be to blame. Depending on your condition and treatment plan, your doctor may be able to make adjustments. And, even if your medications can’t be changed, your doctor still may be able to provide resources and/or referrals to help you work through the issue.
Prepare in advance
But even knowing you have a right to your sexual health and that there could be medical issues at play, it can still be challenging to bring up such a personal topic. So, before you even set foot inside your doctor’s office, it makes sense to prepare a little bit.
Take some time to think about the way your chronic illness impacts your sex life. Maybe a medication is causing reduced libido or vaginal dryness. Maybe joint pain makes it difficult to find a comfortable position. Maybe you’re too fatigued to even think about sex. Try to pinpoint the issues you are facing as best as you can.
Having a clear idea of the issues you want to discuss will make it easier to get past the uncomfortable feelings and move towards getting help. If you’re nervous, it may help to write down your questions and take your notes with you to your appointment.
Speak up
Your doctor can’t help you deal with the issues you are facing unless they are aware of the problem, and unfortunately if you don’t bring up the issue your doctor may never even ask about your sex life. For example, in a 2013 study of rheumatology healthcare professionals, 96% considered sexuality a relevant topic in rheumatology care but, 71% seldom or never raised the topic with their patients. It may be up to you to speak up!
So before your doctor launchers into his or her usual appointment routine, help set the agenda by saying something like “I have some concerns about my sexual health that I’d like to discuss today.” Personally, it helps me get past the embarrassment to remember that it’s my doctor’s job to manage my health, and my sexual health is simply part of that equation.
Be as comfortable as possible
Talking about your sex life can already be a bit uncomfortable, so it’s important that you don’t try to raise this topic if you’re already in a vulnerable position. For example, don’t choose the moment you’re sitting on the exam table in a gown to initiate this conversation. Wait until you’re fully clothed and sitting in a chair.
It may also help to know that whatever you have to say about the status of your sex life, your doctor has probably heard it from someone else before. And your doctor’s role isn’t to judge you – instead, he or she should listen respectfully to your concerns and then do what they can to help you improve your quality of life.
If necessary, find a new doctor
Every patient has a right to a respectful doctor, so if your doctor responds in a judgmental way or makes you feel uncomfortable or ignored, it may be time to consider finding a new doctor.
